Until Sunrise
by Unashamed1
Summary: Years later, when the moment came back to him in the quiet of late nights and solitary patrols, he would not remember what had happened to be in the record player. All he would remember was Lily.


Disclaimer: Hello, everyone! It's good to be back. Anything you recognize is the property of the wonderful J.K. Rowling. I make no money from this.

Any feedback is very much appreciated. I hope you enjoy!

Until Sunrise

Severus collapsed onto his bed and took a deep breath of cold, damp air. One advantage of living in the dungeons: the noise from the towers didn't reach down this far. He shut his eyes against what light was left. It would be dark very soon. Then things upstairs would get louder, maybe even spill out into the hallways, and down the corridors. Out of nowhere, an image of the Gryffindor common room, bathed in firelight, filled his eyes: a little couch, half-hidden in the shadows, and fickle, dancing light playing on Lily's face, and Potter's hand on her shoulder; Potter's face leaning toward the dull reflection of light on her hair…

Severs squeezed his eyes shut. The darkness behind his eyelids was unmoved, but for the moment, the image hovering beyond it faded. He massaged his forehead and felt the cold begin to seep through his clothes as the light outside grew weaker.

It was still early, but maybe he could sleep. Sleep the rest of the evening away and not have to think about what was going on upstairs. _Might be, _he reminded himself. He felt the small gesture of comfort like a sliver of ice on fevered skin. _Might be going on. _Just because she was spending more time with Potter didn't mean that he was getting anywhere. It didn't mean that what Severus had heard in the hall as that little knot of Gryffindor girls had pushed past him was true. _Lily Evans…James…item… make it official any day now, I reckon…_

Severus swallowed and tried to push the conversation to the same little corner of his mind where he had stored the unwelcome image. If this was where his mind was taking him, sleep was moving from an option to a necessity. He was pushing himself up to get into bed properly when a soft knocking sound got his attention.

He sat up and watched the door for a moment, some part of his mind struggling to register that the sound was real until it repeated itself, a little louder this time. He pushed himself away from the bed and swayed a little from the sudden change as he moved toward the door.

She didn't look like the girl from his imagination. Sitting in his vision of the Gryffindor common room, she had been dressed against the cold: jeans, cloak, and long sleeves. Standing in his doorway, she held her own arms, rubbing smooth, bare skin against the weather. The dress only reached past her knees, and the low heels revealed too much of her feet to allow socks. Seeing her in life, looking him in the eye as she waited for him to speak, Severus had the dull realization that he always saw Lily in warm places. For some reason, it did not seem to suit his mind to picture her cold.

He rested one hand against the doorframe and shifted his weight toward it. The torches in the hall slowly lit themselves as the sun died outside, and he watched trembling shadows grow around her, seeping down the walls and reaching toward her along the floor.

"You shouldn't come down her without a cloak." His face relaxed and he smiled a little. "Can I get you one of mine?"

"I don't mind the cold," she answered. He was surprised by her gentle, casual tone. "But thank you."

"Of course," He studied her and the smile stayed in place, until he noticed a light flush dying on her cheeks. He felt his stomach constrict before he had time to tell himself that he did not know the cause of that flush.

"You've been staying warm in any case, I see." He sounded accusing to his own ears, and felt a little stab of shame as he realized that he had no right to be so.

Lily nodded and shifted on her heels.

"We have the fire raging up there." She paused, and in the quiet of the dungeons he thought he heard her swallow. "And most of us have been dancing a bit."

He felt a brief stabbing sensation and his stomach and tried to ignore it. She was trying to be kind, and he was grateful, but he could not escape the knowledge of who had put that flush in her cheeks.

To avoid her face he looked down, and was reminded of the heels. Just for a moment, he smiled again.

"In those? I'm a little concerned about your ankles."

She followed his gaze downward and smiled. When she looked back up, he saw the light from a nearby torch kiss the side of her face.

"No need to be," she answered. Her voice was a little lighter, but still soft. "I took these off as soon as J—"she paused for the space of a breath, "as soon as they got me out on the floor."

Even as he felt the dull ache somewhere in his stomach, he acknowledged how quickly she had moved away from the name and made himself smile wider for her. _Show her that you are alright. Don't hurt her._ Not that he was sure how well she could see the changes on his face in the torch light.

Lily crossed her arms over her stomach. He felt an urge to offer the cloak again, but she spoke before he could get the words out.

"I wouldn't even be wearing the ridiculous things if I hadn't let Ming talk me into it," she went on. "Got to be more firm with that girl." She was trying to sound casual, but he could hear the tinge in her voice: uncomfortable, even a little rushed. He swallowed.

"So, if the party is upstairs, why did you come all the way down here?" He matched her soft volume. Neither of them seemed willing to disturb the silence.

She stood for just a moment, looking at him, and he felt her eyes through the shifting darkness.

"Actually, I was hoping that you might dance with me."

Severus froze for a moment. He couldn't decide what surprised him more: the request itself, or the sudden dip of caution in her voice. She sounded almost shy.

Something in his chest leapt for just a second, but he felt it cool, and then freeze over, almost as quickly as it had thawed.

"Really?" He was not sure that he could help the edge of ice in his voice. "I'm not sure that I would be welcome at the party."

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that," she answered. He blinked at the sudden warmth in her manner; an inviting wave reaching out to thaw what she heard in him. "Everyone seems to be rather in a celebrating mood tonight—I think Christmas is settling into all of us a little early. People have been coming in and out of our portrait hole all evening. In fact, I think one or two of your roommates are up there. So many out-of-house guests were sneaking through with Gryffindors while the entrance was open that the Fat Lady gave up on asking for the password about an hour and a half ago."

In spite of himself, Severus smiled properly. Then something in him chilled again as another obstacle flitted across his mind.

"The Fat Lady isn't the only one who might not want me there," he answered, his voice hard. "I don't want to cause any trouble with him."

This was a lie, of course. He wanted nothing more than to cause trouble with him. What he didn't want was to irritate Lily.

He half expected her to retreat from this declaration; look at the floor, perhaps, or make some excuse, but she kept her eyes on his. He noticed no change in her face.

"He'll leave you alone for my sake."

Out of nowhere, Severus found himself fighting a grin. Before tonight, he would not have believed it possible to want to both laugh be ill at the same time.

"Even when I try to dance with his girl?" He was a little surprised that he managed to get the words out. He felt his stomach shift at the sound of them and took a breath.

He could just make out the half-smile on Lily's face. It hovered there for just a moment, and then melted into a slightly hopeless expression that reached her eyes.

"He's really not as bad as you think," she answered gently. "Not anymore."

This time, Severus actually had to swallow.

` "I know him well enough," he answered. He paused for just a moment. "And even if didn't, I don't think anyone is that wonderful."

A sad smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. He waited almost a full minute for her to speak.

"That's a fair point," she answered. Severus chuckled. Some back corner of his brain was again amazed that amusement could occupy the same space with that tearing feeling in his core.

"So," Lily shifted on her feet, arms tucked across her stomach and the playful smirk challenging him from between the hallway's shadows. "This is it? I came all the way down here, and you're going to deny me my request?"

He looked at her for a moment, and watched the light dance around her face. He almost sent her away. He opened his mouth to send her back to the glow of the fireplace, back to Potter's soft voice and infuriating little half-smile. A sudden realization of the importance of the moment cut off his voice before he could speak.

This could be his last chance. If he sent her to her tower now, it might be the last time she made the trip down.

He closed his mouth again and took a breath as he looked at her. She watched his eyes, her face impassive glass, and he realized that she would stand there all night if she needed to, waiting for his answer. The thought warmed him enough to speak.

"A dance?" he asked finally. "That's all you want?"

A smile broke the glass and she nodded.

"That's it."

He felt his mouth mold itself to mirror hers as he held out his hand.

"I think I can manage that much."

She looked at his hand for a second, a little confused, and then stepped out of the torch light and into the cover of the cold stones that made up his four walls. He let her fingers fall from his just long enough to turn on the old record player that his mother had given him.

Years later, when the moment came back to him in the quiet of late nights and solitary patrols, he would not remember what had happened to be in the record player. All he would remember was Lily: holding her waste, her hand warm in his, pulling her just a little closer to him for that one instant when she almost fell on her ridiculous little heels. Watching her kick them off and feeling her shiver when her bare feet touched the stone floor.

By the time the song ended, they were hovering near the entrance again, their shadows kissing the edge of the light in the hallway. He held her for just a moment to long after the music faded, but she waited patiently for him to let go, stepping away from him without comment. '

She turned and reached for her shoes. Severus smiled at her back.

"I wouldn't suggest putting those back on." She froze for just a second at the sound of his voice. "They'll make the walk back up a lot more risky."

She turned back and smiled, the shoes dangling from her right hand.

"I think you're right." Her smile softened for a moment, and he saw something in her eyes that he could not quite name. He held her gaze for a moment longer and suddenly recognized the look as surrender.

"Thank you, Severus." Her voice was softer than necessary in the renewed silence but somehow it didn't sound out of place.

He managed a decent smile and matched her reverent tone.

"Any time, Lily."

She nodded, still smiling, and turned to go. He watched her back until she paused just past the doorframe, turning back under the light from the nearest torch. He saw her smile widen, a new life in the gesture in one instant.

"Sure you won't come up?"

Severus crossed his arms over his chest and struggled to keep his face stern. He quirked an eyebrow and hoped for the right effect.

"Lily…"

Her smile didn't budge, and he was glad for it.

"I had to try."

In that instant, the bottom dropped out of his stomach, and he almost followed her. Anything to hold onto her for just another minute. But going up to her tower meant watching her with Potter: watching her lean on his shoulder and laugh at his jokes and whisper in his ear…

He took a physical step back from the possibilities hovering before him.

She took the hint and turned to go. She was nearly out of the range of the torches when she looked back over her shoulder and found his eyes.

"We'll be up quite late." She added, and then turned to go before he could answer.

()

Severus reached the top of the stairs and realized that the speech he had rehearsed on the way up had been an exercise in wasted effort. The portrait hole to the Gryffindor common room stood open, and a look at the front of the painting revealed a lightly snoring Fat Lady. Apparently, Lily had been right about the old girl giving up on inter-house security.

He rested one hand on the cool stone framing the opening and prepared to hoist himself in, his mind shifting from strategies of persuasion for the Fat Lady to the right icebreaker for Lily. He paused, concealed by the fickle darkness of the hallway, and took in the room in front of him. Their fire was low, and for a moment, the room was nothing but dull patches of dark red under lazy, dancing shadows.

There were only a few students left in the common room. As Severus's eyes adjusted to the tired firelight, he noticed that they were mostly couples: outlines of paired-off shadows leaning against shapes of furniture and blank sections of the walls around the edge of the room.

He took a step in, still hovering on the outside of the light, and searched the shapes for features. He would find Lily, make some joke about deciding to join them after all, and ask for another dance: there were still two or three couples spinning in the dark to soft music from the radio. He would not worry about the fact that Potter was there. He would ignore him, cut in; be casual and smooth and in- control, everything that she apparently wanted. Everything that she liked.

Someone moved near the window, drawing Severus's attention. He felt his heart constrict and his mouth go dry as he watched Lily back into what light was left from the fire, dragging someone else by the hand. Severus knew who it was before Potter stepped into range of the light, and all at once he knew that he couldn't do it. He couldn't cut in. Not when her eyes were fixed on Potter's, that gentle smile that Severus pretended not to see playing on her face; not with Potter holding her waste and kissing her forehead and Lily failing to pull away, letting Potter come closer than she had ever allowed Severus, even when she had almost fallen on his dormitory floor.

Severus swallowed the tension in his throat and took a step backward toward the entrance, resting his fingers back on the opening. He told himself that he should go, that there was no more reason for him to stay, but something held him there with his eyes on Lily. He stood beyond the touch of the light, and watched the shadows reach for her through the growing darkness.


End file.
